I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
