dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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