You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found puke in my bra..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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