For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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