i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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