turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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