planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
