I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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