Cold hands, warm shart.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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