Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
