there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
