Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
