I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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