Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Randomize
