Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
