She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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