best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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