I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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