Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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