if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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