Your tits are I can't wait for
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
