that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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