So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
