two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
