Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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