I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
