Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
