I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
