I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
