I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
