the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
