can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
