dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
