if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
