remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
