just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This house was built for laser tag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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