i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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