I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
