Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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