guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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