I'm lost and stupid without you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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