I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
