So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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