Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
