Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
