Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
