I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
