If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
