another moral hangover. fuck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
