i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
