4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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