Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The adults are the big ones right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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