Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
