It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My vagina is officially offended.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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