Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
