Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
