Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
