I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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